Archived entries for sex

Near extinct, trans-species parrot rape at that.


I hope everyone’s had their morning coffee/blowjob/shot of heroin because we’re starting off today with full-bore crazy.

No-contest plea for woman who had sex with teen — and her German shepherd

Carla Rhea Maldonado, 41, of Palm Coast, was charged in 2008 after a tipster turned over a computer disk depicting her performing oral sex on a then-15-year-old girl in February 2005.

The same disk contained pictures of her having sex with her German shepherd, reports the Daytona Beach News Journal.

That effectively got Maldonado fired — from the Flagler Humane Society, where she worked for nine years as a veterinary technician.

But wait! There’s more turns out only one of these acts is a crime!

She was not charged with any crime in connection with the dog. Bestiality is not against the law in Florida.

If you’ll excuse me, I need to go find a manatee and fuck it within an inch of its life.

From Sweden’s The Local:

Police in central Sweden are on the hunt for a gang of tattooed women who sexually molested a 50-year-old man as he was riding by on his bicycle.

The incident took place around 9pm on July 8th as the man was cycling down Vintergatan in central Örebro, the Aftonbladet newspaper reports.

Suddenly, someone grabbed hold of the rack on the back of the man’s bike, causing him to fall to the ground.

“The girls ran up to him and pulled the bicycle down so he fell,” Örebro police spokesperson Annika Haaster told the newspaper.

As the man was lying defenceless on the ground, the women proceeded to pull off his trousers and underwear and molest him sexually before fleeing the scene.

According to police, the 50-year-old was not otherwise beaten or physically assaulted by the gang of five girls.

The victim told police that the girl who actually pulled down the bicycle was about 175 centimetres (5 feet, 7 inches) tall and had tattoos on her forearms.

Authorities are hoping that tips from the public can help them apprehend the suspects responsible for the bizarre attack.

“It’s downright unusual for five girls [to do something like this]. Perhaps there are others who’ve had the same thing happen to them,” Haaster told Aftonbladet.

So, let me get this straight, a guy in his 50s was tackled by a group of Suicide Girls who gave him a hand job and now he wants to press charges? Part of me wants to tag this as ThisBrokenWorld because this guy didn’t realize that he’d just walked into a real-life porn movie. But, judging by how little money is spent on porn in Sweden, I guess it is within reason to guess that maybe he didn’t know that’s what was happening.

Also, I find it a little bizarre that a country that is having a problem with HPV transmission skyrocketing and giving people tonsil cancer (Read: in Sweden, blow jobs can kill you) doesn’t spend more on porn.

Don’t you go looking at me like that. I don’t make this shit. I just find it, embed it, snark a little bit at it and pass it on to you lot.

I mean, it isn’t like I’m encouraging this sort of thing. Especially not if they were to do something like this with…say…Transmetropolitan? I mean, who would ever want to see something like that.

Certainly not me.

(Oh god, I can see the filthy assistants dancing in my head!)

Oh, Japan, Japan, Japan. Why can’t you just have normal sex? Why do you have bring in eels and octopi and things I don’t dare mention for fear they’ll come for me in the night. Is it because your men are overworked and suicidal? Is it because nearly all of your young female population has at least one STD (Infection rates has high as 82%!)? Are the pressures on your society so great that you just can’t fuck like a normal person? And if so, are things like this really how you want to relieve that tension?

For the rest of you, a primer.

Eroge (sounds like pirogi) is the Japanese portmanteau of erotic and game, erochikku mu. Originally starting out as games with romantic elements, with possibly a little titillation as a final reward, the genre branched in its early stage. One branch became the “love simulators” where players attempt to woo a girl through extended dialogue options. The other branch ran off gleefully into the night with the titillation, poured a roofie cocktail down its throat and came back the next morning with the broadest range of pornographic video games you can imagine. Both branches have become firmly embedded in the otaku sub-culture, sort of like every male owning at least one Playboy over the course of their life.

The eroge industry, like the Japanese porn industry on the whole, is massive. There are literally thousands of these games, most of them falling in the less-than-nice end of the spectrum. With technology growing like it is, more and more of these games are coming to market. Eventually, the shoe had to drop, just like it did back in 1998 when the Japanese finally got off their ass and banned any erotic material depicting fictional characters under the age of 18. That ban was targeted at producers of hentai that were doing stories about underage teenagers. In this case, the shoe dropping was a city council woman in New York City named Christine Quinn working in party with New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault and Equality Now. It came to her attention (probably because the exact same thing was playing out in England) that eroge were available through online retailers like,, and Using Japan’s place as a signatory on the 1985 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, the advocacy groups were able to send the Japanese press into a bit of a tizzy over the games.

The first really weird part of this? The game they singled out as being the most egregious is 3 years old. The game is called RapeLay, and it tells the story of a Japanese subway groper, or chikan. The details are nauseating, but not uniquely singular. Hell, this game was featured on the humor site Something Awful back when it came out, and they took a moment to say that they can’t wait for the pro-censorship in video games people got a hold of it. I don’t think they could have predicted that it would take three years for that to happen.

The second weird part of this? The key fanner of the flames in Japan is the New Komeito Party, a Buddhist-centric political party that seeks world peace and all of the joys that come along with that. Their chosen method to fan the flames? Using their ties with the Tokyo Broadcasting System (TBS) to get them to run false news stories about the Ethics Organization of Computer Software (EOCS), the trade group for eroge manufacturers. The time line of events goes something like this. TBS gets the EOCS to sit down with them and talk about the potential of banning the production of violent eroge. TBS then takes this interview and cuts it to make it seem like the EOCS is going to announce a prohibition on these kind of games. Some how the EOCS catches wind of this and freaks out. TBS offers them a second interview and the EOCS declines, not wanting to be even more misconstrued. So, TBS just runs the hacked up story and says to hell with the EOCS.

This was probably the goal of the New Komeito Party in the first place. TBS isn’t known for being the most scrupulous of media outlets (think FOX News crossed with TMZ), and in getting them to run a story saying the EOCS is going to ban these games the New Komeito Party has primed the pump of public outcry if the EOCS doesn’t ban them. They even managed to get TBS to include the June 2nd meeting of the EOCS as the announcement date of the ban.

Pinned in a corner, the EOCS sent out a fax to all of their member companies at the end of their June 2nd meeting stating that from this point on, there were to be no more rape simulators. They would work with individual companies who had games already in development or were prepping finished games for production. There was no vote taken, and the decree is neither contractually or legally binding. It also doesn’t affect the cottage industry of game developers who work outside of the umbrella of the EOCS.

So, that seems like a pretty straightforward victory, right? Well, nothing is straightforward in this winding story. The first game the EOCS worked with after the decree with was a lovely title called (rough translation here) “Gang raped by the entire village ~girls covered in milky liquid~“. After the EOCS made its changes the game will now be called “The trap set by the entire village ~bodies covered in milky liquid~“. The game hasn’t hit shelves yet, so no one knows if there were content changes made to the game or not. My best guess is that the EOCS is going to usher in another generation of tentacle porn and ghost cocks with their changes. Both were ways that porn producers side-stepped the Japanese government’s restrictions on showing explicit penile insertion.

So, from an MP in England and a City Councilwoman in New York, we jump to another Japanese censorship ruling that I have no doubt will end up spawning a dozen more unsettling sub-genres but never actually direct the core issue.

Right now, the Japanese islands are in turmoil. The population is in freefall. In five generations, the nation of Japan won’t have enough people to keep up their own infrastructure. This isn’t helped by the lacksidasical view taken by Japanese youth toward their own sexual health and development. Nor is it helped by the national escapism and fantasy in their pop culture. The otaku is a part of normal life, but a life that sends people into themselves, not out into the world. The final summation is that products like eroge are methods to make people money. Which is to say, they need an audience who is willing to pay for them. As long as that audience exists, they will exist. The better use of time is not spent attempting to ban them outright, but rather to address the core societal problems that cause people to develop such violent notions of sex and sexuality.

U.S. Will Pay $2.6 Million to Train Chinese Prostitutes to Drink Responsibly on the Job

( — The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAA), a part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), will pay $2.6 million in U.S. tax dollars to train Chinese prostitutes to drink responsibly on the job.


“Previous studies in Asia and Africa and our own data from FSWs [female sex workers] in China suggest that the social norms and institutional policy within commercial sex venues as well as agents overseeing the FSWs (i.e., the ‘gatekeepers’, defined as persons who manage the establishments and/or sex workers) are potentially of great importance in influencing alcohol use and sexual behavior among establishment-based FSWs,” says the NIH grant abstract submitted by Dr. Li.

“Therefore, in this application, we propose to develop, implement, and evaluate a venue-based alcohol use and HIV risk reduction intervention focusing on both environmental and individual factors among venue-based FSWs in China,” says the abstract.

The research will take place in the southern Chinese province of Guangxi.

Guangxi is ranked third in HIV rate among Chna’s provinces–and is a place where the sex business is pervasive, Li said.

“The purpose of the project is to try and develop an intervention program targeting HIV risk and alcohol use,” Li told “So basically, it’s an alcohol and HIV risk reduction intervention project.”

The lack of any substantive content lately is because I’m actually using the fuck out of my brain at work.

We’ve been tapped to develop a web/social media based campaign to raise awareness for STDs in kids between the ages of 16 and 24. Part of this process involves me generating like 50 short tag lines that are supposed to smack the reader in the face, and a short factual statement to back that up. Since I’ve been ignoring my little festering army of malcontents to generate this stuff, I thought I’d give you a sneak peak as to what I’ve been doing.

Condoms break less than teenage hearts
-Use them to protect you from even more regrets.

Doubt can be costly. The answer is free.
-HIV test are free from your local sexual health clinic

Don’t like how condoms feel? Try having it burn when you pee.
-It only takes one time to get infected. Use a condom every time.

Pineapple, Strawberry or STD flavored.

-STDs can be transferred through oral sex. Use a condom.

Beds are made for two.
-Get tested. Make sure you’re not bringing an uninvited guest.

You wouldn’t drink sour milk. Why would you use expired condoms?
-Condoms expire, check the date before you use them

A since only a few are on the page at any one time, we’ve also been iterating on a them in a few cases:

Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Telling him he needs to get tested: Worse.
Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Buying diapers: Worse.
Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Getting them free: Awesome.

-Be safer. Use a condom every time you have sex.

Syphilis in your throat.
Gonorrhea in your mouth.
Herpes on your face.

-It can happen. STDs are transferred through oral sex. Use a condom.

And some of them are variations depending on the targeted sex. Which, conveniently, also works for gay/lesbian sex.

You trust her. Do you trust everyone she’s been with?
You trust him. Do you trust everyone he’s been with?

-Get tested together. It makes everyone safer.

It feels really good to be doing stuff at work that isn’t selling some one a new widget. If we pull this off, we’ll be making the world and people’s lives better. Which is inherently antithetical to me, I know, but as long as they’re paying my bills I don’t feel so bad.

I’ll keep you reprobates apraised when the stuff goes live.


Public schools in Tennessee are filtering access to online websites discussing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues, but are not blocking sites advocating “reparative” therapy to change their lifestyle.

Nobody is disputing the existence of the filters in the Knox County Schools and Metro Nashville Public Schools. But the schools are blaming their internet and filtering service for what the American Civil Liberties Union is decrying as viewpoint discrimination in violation of the First Amendment. The internet service, Education Networks of America, says the schools choose which websites to block.


“When I found out about this web-filtering software, I wasn’t looking for anything sexual or inappropriate, I was looking for information about scholarships for LGBT students, and I couldn’t get to it because of this software,” said Andrew Emitt, a 17-year-old Central High senior in Knoxville.

Well, at least the article doesn’t mention this corner of the state.


She’s only 8.95 (or 12.95 if you want her peek-a-boo dress up bits) plus 95 cents shipping and handling, and she comes with a 10 day money back guarantee!

(Which brings up the horrible mental image of some poor sod cleaning out the dried cum from a blow-up doll and repackaging it. Oh God, you wonder why I drink.)

Oh, goodie, more dog fuckin’! This time from the Smoking Gun:


MARCH 18–Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop’s “recycle bin.” At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she “knew what those files might be.” Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, “The one with the dog.” Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was “going to be charged with this,” Owen said that the videos “were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it,” adding that she tried to “delete them the next day when she was sober.”

You really need to read the affidavit.

Guh. Never had an idea come to me so completely and succinctly before. I blame recent conversations with my friends for this.

Luke stood naked in front of the floor length mirror. The condom, partially filled, hung like a snake’s skin from his shrinking penis. He tugged it off, flecks of cum and spermicide splattering reflection of his thighs in the mirror.

He sighed and continued down the hall to the bathroom. The floor was pink and white tile. The soaps scented and in a scalloped bowl. The toilet seat and tank covered in pink shag that matched the hue of the tile. On the counter a framed picture of several kittens looked up at him.

Luke died a little more.

Shannon was a good woman. They had gone to high school together, been in the same youth group. She had looked lovely in her wedding dress, her long chestnut hair cascading down her shoulders. That night was their first night together, they had waited for each other.

It was as awkward. Luke told himself it would get better. But she never looked at him, never pressed back, never sought out his touch. It hadn’t gotten better, not in all those years.

The next morning, the blood in the bed made Shannon think that her period had come early. It wasn’t hers.

Word was “kittens” from Peter Owen.
Written 3/10/09, approx 12:50pm.

If you want to offer a story idea, the original thread is here.


A 15-YEAR-old schoolgirl in northeast England earned about £14,000 ($A30,641) over two months by working as a prostitute.

Her unusual weekend job was exposed when a teacher at her school in South Shields, near Newcastle, found condoms, lubricant and details of the agency she worked for in her school bag.

Police officers who searched her home found more than £8000 stashed in the attic in November last year. The girl, who cannot be named because she is a minor, is thought to have netted around £1700 pounds every weekend.

Details of the case emerged during a hearing at South Tyneside Magistrates Court on February 13 to decide what should happen to the cash.

Asa Anderson, representing Northumbria Police, told the hearing: “The money was seized after police received a phone call from a school where a teacher found a pupil’s bag. The bag was found containing certain items.”

The court decided the cash should be forfeited to the authorities.

Police said a man aged 44 and a woman aged 46 were arrested on suspicion of inciting child prostitution, but later released facing no further action. The schoolgirl herself is not thought to be facing any charges.

Another video from the BBC about weird sex. This time, they’re focusing on the lives of doll fuckers. Yeah, you heard me. This is a 45 minute documentary about people who fuck 100lb pieces of silicone that have been molded to look like women. The video also does segments on the guy who founded the company that makes the Real Dolls, and a guy who fixes them. Well, mainly the fix-it guy just swaps out the destroyed vagina insert.

I nearly vomited watching him go fishing around in the doll’s fuck hole with his bare hands. The man apparently had no qualms sticking in fingers in dried pervert cum.

With the other video about the furries, I could at least accept that they were getting out and being social with each other. The people in this video, though. I think they are all mass murderers waiting to happen.

Especially the guy in Virigina.

Anna Nolan is a lesbian ex nun.

I’ll give you a second with that one.

Good? Ok.

She was also on the first season of Big Brother. The real on in England, no the watered down one they air in the States. The Brits liked her enough that the BBC gave her a limited run documentary series called Anna in Wonderland. The six half hour episodes deal frankly and openly with people living on the outer edges of sex in the modern world. One of those episodes deals with furries.

Here’s the tag for the episode from the series description:

Anna also meets characters such as the Furries, a group of people in the USA who believe that they have an animal inside them. Bear and Wabbit explain that ‘yiffing’ is their word for petting and sex and ask Anna to join them in a group ‘yiff’ otherwise known as a ‘fur pile.’

I think you all know how I feel about furries, they creep me the fuck out. But, if something makes you happy, who the hell am I to tell you that it is wrong.

In this episode, Anna deals with the furries she meets as real people. She addresses them with their fur names and doesn’t pass any judgements. Well, at least not any immediate ones.

I can’t embed the episode, but hit the links below to watch it.
Anna Meets the Furries, part 1
Anna Meets the Furries, part 2
Anna Meets the Furries, part 3

I know some of you might be a little unnerved at the thought of watching a documentary about the batshit insane yiffers, but it is actually really good.

(I also know a few of you are too fucking excited for your own good and should never, ever touch me again.)

They make the fucking New York Post look like a bastion of journalistic excellence. They ran this story the other day-

Viagra orgy man collapses

A SEX-MAD Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police.

One of the women, named only as Alina, said: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”

Keep in mind, this is the paper that tried to warn you about the radioactive pedophile.

Of all the things I’ve written, this piece with this title is one of the most disturbing to me. After you read the last word of the story, think about what comes next.

Upstairs, they’d started in to it again. The bad karaoke renditions of Cher songs from the 80s shook his walls. Soon, the thumping bass would give way to another kind of thumping that would shake his basement apartment’s walls long into the night. The irony of living beneath a swinger’s club wasn’t lost on him, the virgin living under the sex addicts. But, the rent was cheap and no one asked questions.

Which was good for The Work. He needed isolation and privacy to concentrate. He knew that changes in technological epochs didn’t come without single-minded dedication to that purpose, dedication as well as sacrifice.

He’d left behind a full scholarship at one of the best technical schools in the country to focus on The Work. Happiness had always eluded him in places like that. They always made him work on things that weren’t The Work – things that were beneath him. Those days were behind him though, and his reward was finally within reach.

With the final solder finished, he closed the latex flap, said a silent prayer and thumbed the activator nub to the ON position.

Her eyes fluttered then opened. She looked at him and smiled.


Word was “solder” from El Cacique.

Written 2/23/09, approx 2:50pm.

If you want to offer a story idea, the original thread is here.

Looking out the plexiglass window, he could see almost all the way across the station. In bed behind him, his Jane sighed and rolled over. She obviously wasn’t a Sardine, her body was too short, her muscles were too big and her skin had the fading remnants of a tan.

He was born and raised on the station. The low gravity and artificial light of the station meant that the people who lived here, half-mockingly called Sardines, grew long, lithe and pale.

It had become a fashionable thing for people of means to leave the brown hotness of Earth and come up to the stations for their vacations. Visiting a Sardine prostitute was a regular pastime for the Earthers. The stations were legal grey areas already, so the brothels fit right along with the plastic surgery clinics and gene-drug houses.

He didn’t mind the job, there wasn’t much else for Sardines his age. He liked this part the best, though. After they were done and she was sleeping. He’d stay awake, pretending that this finery was all his. Pretending he belonged here. After awhile, he’d take all the booze in the minibar and slip out, his Jane still sleeping.

Word was “sighed” from James.

Written 2/16/09, approx 1:00pm.

If you want to offer a story idea, the original thread is here.



From PhysOrg:

Men who are very sexually active in their twenties and thirties are more likely to develop prostate cancer, especially if they masturbate frequently, according to a study of more than 800 men published in the January issue of BJU International.

However the UK research team also found that frequent sexual activity in a man’s forties appears to have little effect and even small levels of activity in a man’s fifties could offer protection from the disease. Most of the differences were attributed to masturbation rather than sexual intercourse.

The study, led by the University of Nottingham, looked at the sexual practices of more than 431 men who had been diagnosed with prostate cancer before the age of 60, together with 409 controls.

Men who took part in the study were asked about all aspects of their sex life from their twenties onwards, including how old they were when they became sexually active, how often they masturbated and had intercourse, how many sexual partners they had had and whether they had had any sexually transmitted diseases.

From NewScientist:

Men might want to remember a new rhyme: a drink a day keeps erectile dysfunction away.

Despite traditional views about the effects of booze on male performance, new research suggests that moderate drinking actually protects against impotence in the long term – perhaps for the same reason a glass or two of wine a day cuts the odds of suffering from heart disease.

There is good evidence that excessive drinking can hinder sexual performance after a night out – a phenomenon sometimes called “brewer’s droop”. The effect has been noted for many years: “[Drink] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,” Shakespeare reminds us in Macbeth.

But over longer periods, moderate drinking doesn’t seem to be linked to erectile dysfunction, says Kew-Kim Chew, an epidemiologist at the University of West Australia in Nedlands, whose team conducted an anonymous postal survey of 1770 West Australian men.

After accounting for differences due to age, smoking and heart disease – all risk factors for ED – Chew and colleagues found that drinkers experienced rates of impotence 25% to 30% below those of teetotallers.

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