Archived entries for sex

I sort of want to hit both of those talking heads with a baseball bat wrapped in used maxipads. What the fuck gives you the right to be so condescending to some one who is obviously smart enough to find a way out of a situation that will financially cripple most of the middle class of my generation?

Oh, you can buy that headline on a t-shirt if you are so inclined.

From the Telegraph -

US porn industry seeks multi-billion dollar bailout

The Hustler magazine founder has teamed up with fellow adult entertainment mogul Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series, to approach Congress for the same kind of financial assistance recently approved for car manufacturers.

The pair have asked the 111th Congress, which convened on Tuesday with the economy at the top of its agenda, “to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America” with a bailout.

“Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses, (and) we feel we deserve the same consideration,” Francis said in a statement.

“In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment.”

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” Owen Moogan, a spokesman for Flynt, told CNN.

“The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

In an interview with entertainment news website TMZ, Francis admitted the move was more of a “precautionary measure” than an emergency rescue, “but as long as the government is handing out money, we want to be there to take it.”

Kenneth Pinyan was a normal man. He was affluent, well educated, employed with Boeing as a top-level engineer. But, Kenneth had a secret. He was a zooaphile, a zoo for short, that regularly engaged in sex with full grown stallions. He would visit a farm in rural Washington state, where the owner catered to people of Pinyan’s proclivities. Occasionally he would would video tape these acts and pass them around to fellow zoos. He was only identified as “Mr. Hands” in the video. His secret was no more impressive or shocking than those that our neighbors keep.

At least it wasn’t until something went horribly wrong.

In July of 2005, Pinyan was being anally penetrated by a horse. This was a regular occurrence for both him and the horse, but something went too far. Pinyan’s colon was torn. Both he and the people with him knew that something was wrong, but Pinyan was hesitant to do anything about it. He was worried that if his secret became public, he would lose his job at Boeing. It was several hours before Pinyan was dropped off, unconscious, at a local hospital. He never regained consciousness and died that day.

The case prompted Seattle to add anti-bestiality laws to its books and became an internet sensation as a video of Pinyan as Mr. Hands found its way to the web. The video is not the one where his colon is torn, but it is off Pinyan and the horse that would later cause his death.

The whole story was captured in the documentary ZOO, which was picked for showcasing during the 2007 Sundance Film Festival. This is the trailer for ZOO:

Footage from Who’s Nailin’ Paylin, the Huster porn spoof of Sarah Palin. I don’t even care about the sex, I just want to see the bad acting and even worse story.

Hustler shot a Sarah Palin-themed porno over the weekend. It’s called “Who’s Nailin Paylin: The Adventures of a Hockey MILF“. Paylin (Palin) is being played by Lisa Ann. Who, when done up properly, does have at least a passing resembalance to one Alaskan governor.

TMZ has the whole script on their site if you want to read it. Here’s an excerpt.

One thing I find interesting is the short hand for sex scenes:


It lists the people involved, and any special activites that need to be done (ie anal). I guess they just wing it beyond that and make it look interesting in the editing room. I’d never really thought about it, to be perfectly honest.

I think the dirty old man is actually licking his lips.

I warn you, this can be dangerously hypnotic. – Watch more free videos

You can blame Taylor for this. He is demanding that I call him the King of the Internet because he found this. I think he might be drunk. Or high on jenkem.

Remember be safe and use protection.

The Bride

Now, I know what this looks like. A production or promotional photo from the 1935 classic, the Bride of Frankenstein, right? But it’s not. It is actually one of the safe for work stills from a collection of photography done by Aleksy Galushkov, a Russian photographer who has a thing for mixing erotica with classic cinematic icons from the first half of the 20th Century.

This specific collection is the Bride, well, unwrapped. Which is interesting because the re-eroticizing of the bride goes against the director’s original intent of the character to be something that was created entirely for pleasure, but then refuses to have any part in that plan. So, I guess 73 years later, this is the Bride finally giving in? Maybe this is her sexual awakening into feminism?

What ever spin you want to put on it, the images are beautifully done and give my inner classic monster movie fan a tingly feeling.

I can feel you all recoiling from here.

(PS: Unwrapping means her upper lady bits are exposed. Don’t let your boss catch you looking at these.)

Originally posted over at the Frankensteinia blog, and spread wide since then.

From Craig’s List – Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? – m4w

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

I want to hit something very hard right now. Like my head against the wall.

I was doing some follow up on the bit below, and I came across this. It is an amazing break down of the metrics of the international pornography market, both on and off the internet. It breaks down consumption rates, spending habits, expenditure per capita and what ever other bit of information you could want.

Stuff like this:

Pornography Time Statistics
Every second – $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography
Every second – 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography
Every second – 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines
Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

I learned that South Koreans are the biggest perverts on the planet. What will you learn?

 Elder Porn

I don’t know why CNN ran this story, or why Time had it in the first place, but here you go, bright and early on a Thursday -

Japan’s Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn

Tokuda is rare among Japanese porn stars in that his name has become a brand. The Shigeo Tokuda series he’s just completed portray him as a tactful elderly gentleman who instructs women of different ages in the erotic arts, and he boasts a body of work far more impressive than most actors in their prime.

Tokuda’s exploits have proved to be a goldmine for Glory Quest, which first launched an “old-man” series, Maniac Training of Lolitas, in December 2004. Its popularity led the company to follow up with Tokuda starring in Forbidden Elderly Care in August 2006. Other series followed, and soon elder porn had revealed itself as a sustainable new revenue stream for the industry.

I have to go find something to scrub my brain with now, thanks.


A whole collection of then can be found here.

Marilyn Monroe

Well, film to be completely accurate.

It was apparently filmed sometime before she became a household name, was classified by the FBI for decades, and was just sold at auction for 1.5 million dollars to a man who promises to do nothing with it but lock it away. And occasionally masturbate to it like a spastic monkey.

The film apparently shows Marilyn kneeling in front of a man who’s face is never clearly show giving him oral pleasures.

J. Edgar Hoover, crazy cross dressing paranoiac that he was, tried to use the FBI to prove that the man in question was either John F or Robert F Kennedy. When he couldn’t, he locked the film away in the FBI vaults. It was only discovered recently when a man doing a documentary on the icon found references to a “French film” of the actress in the files the FBI had on her.

The world’s two classiest news agencies, the New York Post and Fox News both have stories on this.

The safe for work edit of the early 70s porno, Batpussy.

Yeah. You heard me, Batpussy. Its like Batman, but not.

The logo is probably the best part of the whole thing.

Bat Pussy Logo

Sex Cult

Sounds tons better than a gym.

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