Archived entries for video

Me? I’d pay everything I didn’t need to live.

AAAAHHHHH GOD WHY IT BURNS WHY WAS THAT CHEETAH DOING THAT WHAT WAS WITH THE GOAT AT THE END OH GOD WHY WAS THIS EVER MADE

I give you Hatsune Miku.

A teal-green haired Japanese school girl that’s apparently holding a leek or onion or something in this picture.

She’s fake. Completely not real. She’s the intellectual property of Japan’s Crypton Future Media. And probably the most crystal clear vision of the future that I’ve ever seen.

Crypton Future Media makes sound…things. Mainly digital libraries of sounds or programs to generate those libraries. They’ve sold their products to video game companies, software developers, and even Japanese government agencies. After looking over the list of companies they’ve done work for, I’d be willing to put money that everyone with a toe in the digital world has probably heard their stuff.

So what is a glorified MIDI card of a company doing whipping up an anime character with an apparent obsession with vegetables of the Alliaceae family?

The answer lies in a translation of her name.

Hatsune Miku can be loosely translated to mean “First Sound of the Future”.

And that’s exactly what Hatsune Miku is. She’s a completely artificial anime-esque pop sensation. In a world where pop stars are more often than not manufactured people with equally fake personalities and musical talents, Crypton Future Media has taken a visionary step and gone ahead and cut out the fleshy animal medium entirely.

Here’s the result, performing live in concert:

Hatsune Miku’s voice is created through the use of Yamaha’s Vocaloid voice synthesizer technology. Crypton took the vocal patterns of a young female anime voice actor, Saki Fujita, and through some technical wizardry and the Vocaloid synthesizer, created their most important product yet – a pop star.

God, I can’t tell you how surreal typing that line was. Anyway.

When she…err…it preforms, it’s a pre-rendered holographic projects done against a semi-permeable screen that lets you see the band behind her (featuring some of the crew from Crypton Future Media) and gives an illusion of depth.

Check out this longer video:

William Gibson, the Father of Cyberpunk, was speculating about creatures like Hatsune over a decade ago in his novel Idoru. But some how, I don’t think this is what he had in mind. While she’s not the first, she’s the biggest and most popular digital synthetic artificial whatever pop idol created yet. Hatsune Miku really is the first voice of the future.

Albeit a very, annoying, grating, saccharine future.

More on this tomorrow.

Via Topless Robot

King of Kings, aka Touchdown Jesus set alight by lightning strike.

Surely this is a sign of [insert religious, anti-religious thing here]

THE SORE LOSERS – “Beyond Repair”

Peter sent me this video this morning, first thing in the morning, actually, before I’d had a chance to glue my head bits together, so I couldn’t tell if this song was any good or not.

And in watching it now, I still can’t make up my mind. The visual completely overtakes any brain cells I should be devoting to the song, which makes me think that it isn’t that good, but I’d like a second, or third, opinion.

Finally, a music video that goes so far that it actually makes you forget there is a song playing.

Ah, progress.


The ending credits from A Series of Unfortunate Events. Probably the best motion graphics sequence I’ve ever seen.

Pity the movie wasn’t as good.

The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.

-Gil Scott Heron, 1971

One of the most repeated phrases in modern counter-culture wasn’t entirely true event when it was first written.

The Democratic Convention of 1968 in Chicago, when the police took to beating anyone they could swing a club at while people chanted “The whole world is watching.” was broadcast live. And that happened three years before the poem.

Since then, technology has stripped away any truth from that idea.

When I was younger, I watched the Berlin Wall come down, I watched tanks shelling the Russian Parliament building. Both on CNN. And maybe you can say I wasn’t seeing the whole of those respective revolutions. Instead, I was seeing the nice parts, the photo-op bits, cleaned up for mass market consumption. You could rightly make a case that the dirt and grit and people dead in the street was kept quietly out of view.

But that’s not true any more.

Thanks to the ubiquity of video capture devices on mobile phones, and the ubiquity of mobile phones, and the ubiquity of the Internet, anyone anywhere is an eyepiece for the world.

Last summer the world watched Iran shudder as civil unrest took hold in their major urban centers. I watched police storm into buildings, drag people out and beat them, seemingly without purpose. But the image I’ll never forget are two dead eyes, black and round, staring up at nothing, one socket filling with blood. That was Neda Agha-Soltan. A beautiful young woman that would become the face, name and martyr for the Iranian Green Movement.

And now events are repeating a year later, but in another part of the world. Thailand is moments away from complete civil war as the landed power elite are challenged by a populist uprising. And just like last summer in Iran, they now have their own martyr. Another young girl shot in the head by a sniper’s bullet, her blood spilling out into the street. We don’t know her name yet, but I won’t imagine it will be long until we do.

I won’t be linking you to those videos, because I think that seeing a person’s real, violent death is something that you should have to choose to see, not inadvertently click on.

But the Revolution is in fact being televised. And while there aren’t pictures of pigs shooting down brothers.

There are videos of governments shooting young girls.

That’s the Chinese Military Shovel WJQ-308. And that is why they will win.

No really, I know the video starts off cheesy with the psuedo-Copeland score, but give it a minute. They’ve crammed every possible function into this little thing.

That’s a robotic mouth attempting to pronounce vowels. And scaring the crap out of everyone in the process.

Never before in my life have I been grateful that the description for something was in another language. I feel that I have been protected from a Lovecraftian brain-schism.

Also, I guess “I Dare You To Watch This” is now a running thread around here.

Fair warning from line one, this video has some anime tits in it. Well, hentai tits, if you want to be genre-specific. They are only up there for a half second or so, three times in total, over the course of the video, but I just wanted to put that out there before you people started griping.

Anyway.

This video is called Akihabara Majokko Princess. It is directed by McG, a mass media agent provocateur let lose by the global media concerns to kill our brains. His oeuvre, as you can see, is a questionable, if not prosecutable one.

Which makes his most recent endeavor a puzzling one.

Quick note: that video might get taken down because of previously mentioned cartoon mammaries. Google it if it vanishes.

Yes, that would be Kirsten Dunst bouncing around in the Akihabara district of Tokyo dressed like a reject from an acid trip a fetish love doll an anime character to her own version of The Vapor’s “Turning Japanese”. Now, normally I’d shrug and move along after watching this. But there’s one niggling catch to this. You see, the mad king of Japanese pop art, Takashi Murakami (the guy behind “My Lonesome Cowboy” (that link is soooooo NSFW)), is running an exhibit at the Tate Museum in London called Pop Life, Art In A Material World. And McG has some how managed to get himself rolled into it. And that music video? That’s his entry.

Which gets me thinking. Maybe I’ve missed something here. Maybe McG wasn’t just swiping a song that had a surface level reference to Japan. Maybe he picked that song because he was re-imagining the masturbatory implications of the song in terms of the Japenese cultural obsession with the fantasy world of anime. And maybe, beyond that, he’s trying to make a statement about how the West’s attempt to assimilate this otaku culture is also masturbatory and self-gratifying without doing anything to advance our own culture.

Which in thinking these thoughts makes me think another:

I hate myself for giving McG this much credit.

I’ve decided that I’m going to tell myself that Murakami just told him what to do and that McG is incapable of creating something multilayed and interesting.

Isn’t he?

You’ve heard the story. A man driving near Galveston, TX loses control of his $1.7 million dollar Bugatti Veyron supercar and goes careening off into the saltwater marshes. He blames a low flying pelican that spooked him. His identity has been withheld in a rare show of decency from the local press and authorities. No man could take the world mocking him for wrecking that level of automotive penis replacement. It would kill anyone with shame.

Not being one to miss a good public mockery, I’m going to add my stones to the hail pelting this poor bastard with more money than sense.

According to a driver’s insurance statement, the real reason for the crash isn’t the pelican. It is because the pelican spooked the driver, CAUSING HIM TO DROP HIS CELLPHONE. WHEN HE REACHED FOR IT, HE LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR.

Luckily, there were a group of probably stoned kids driving by that managed to record the whole fucking thing. And incorrectly guess the make of the car, to boot.

EDIT: Turns out that poor bastard is one Andy House of Lufkin, Texas. He owns Performance Auto Sales, which specializes in exotic automobiles.

If you watched the above video, maybe you were like me and completely missed any sign of a pelican. The internet super-consciousness is calling this as a case of botched insurance fraud.


Oh, Christ. I haven’t laughed this hard at something that scared me so much since Sarah Palin.

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Whoa.

A lovely industrial safety video featuring, among other things, a degloving and a flying gas tank.

Via Ben.

Another video from the BBC about weird sex. This time, they’re focusing on the lives of doll fuckers. Yeah, you heard me. This is a 45 minute documentary about people who fuck 100lb pieces of silicone that have been molded to look like women. The video also does segments on the guy who founded the company that makes the Real Dolls, and a guy who fixes them. Well, mainly the fix-it guy just swaps out the destroyed vagina insert.

I nearly vomited watching him go fishing around in the doll’s fuck hole with his bare hands. The man apparently had no qualms sticking in fingers in dried pervert cum.

With the other video about the furries, I could at least accept that they were getting out and being social with each other. The people in this video, though. I think they are all mass murderers waiting to happen.

Especially the guy in Virigina.

PointerNiner via Gizmodo.

Not that they ever went anywhere in the first place, mind you. But anything after blasting Scientology off the Internet for 48 hours seems sort of…trite?

Thanks, Kip.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I was choked up watching this. I can’t begin to tell you why, but I was. For a few minutes there, all my misanthropy and bitterness washed away.



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