Archived entries for movies

I’ve talked about it before, but I found an amazing repository of gifs, care of the SA poster PipeRifle.

Robot Jox is a movie where robots beat the crap out of each other.

It has brilliant acting and visionary directing.

Oh, and let’s not forget the robotic chainsaw penis.

CRASH AND BURN!

This post is dedicated to Ben and brought to you in part by the letter awesome.

The entire damn movie, for free on the web. Not their finest movie, but still better than 99% of the shit that comes out these days.

You’re welcome.


I watched this over the weekend and it was spectacular. It had everything a B-zombie movie needs: pointless nudity, copious gore and a paper-thin plot. Plus, the zombies in this were smarter than your typical Romero zombies. They could talk, they could reason, and they didn’t fall over dead when you shot them in the brain. If you find this on late night cable or want to throw it in your Netflix queue, you won’t be disappointed.

Not what you think it’s going to be.

Just watch it. And if any of you can find me a torrent or DVD of this, I’ll love you forever.

Why? I say why the fuck not. From Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2 (Zombie, as it is known here in the States). Which, oddly enough is a psuedo-sequel to Romero’s classic Dawn of the Dead, which was released as Zombi in Europe. Even weirder – Zombi 2′s script was finished before Dawn of the Dead (Zombi) was released in Europe, so even though the two movies are supposed to relate, the writers for Zombi 2 had no idea what the hell they were writing about.

Interesting side note – they actually had a trainer for the shark. I honestly didn’t know you could teach fish to do anything. They have an amazing array of senses, but they are pretty fucking stupid compared to mammals. It probably didn’t help that the thing was force fed horse meat and sedatives before they filmed the scene in a giant salt water tank.

Ah, retro-futurism and kaiju movies, two of my favorite things mixed in a perfect sushi roll of awesome. Here’s the synopsis from Wikipedia:

It is the 100th year of Showa (2025, to be exact). Earth sends an expedition to Mars in the spaceship “Izanami”. A huge rock formation is discovered beneath the surface, and is transported back to our planet, on which the seemingly-harmless rock grows into a colossal floating saucerlike crustacean lifeform called “Negadon,” which proceeds to attack Tokyo. At the same time, RyĆ»ichi Narasaki, a downcast robotics constructor, is still devastated by the death of his only young daughter (and the loss of his left eye, replaced with a bionic eye), caused by the malfunctioning of his masterpiece, the giant super-robot MI-6 2 “Miroku.” Because of the ominous threat of Negadon, Narasaki faces the painful choice of reactivating (and piloting) the Miroku to battle the space monster and protect our world.

And here’s the whole damn thing (all in 26 minutes in Japanese without subtitles, sadly).:

Tamura works in the offices of a Japanese pickle distribution company. He is conscientious, well liked in the office and has a loving girlfriend Yoko. He is a six foot tall koala bear. One day Yoko his girlfriend turns up dead and Tamura is the chief suspect and so sets out to prove his innocence. He is hampered by gaps in his memory, flashbacks of spousal abuse and the fact that his first wife dissappeared. As any intelligent Koala would he enlists the help of his boss (a white rabbit) and a bartender (frog) to help him discover the truth. Can he prove his innocence? Can he help his company pull off a pickle deal? And what does his bartender and his boss know about the two-hundred year old terrifying secret behind the EXECUTIVE KOALA?

Via Quiet Earth

I have a soft spot for giant robots beating the crap out of each other, probably a bleed over from my kaiju love. Robot Jox can be considered the tent pole of the far too limited sub-genre. Produced in the 90s, just as Russia was breaking apart, Robot Jox still had the lovely binary conflict of Cold War as a central plot element. But, instead of us sitting on the brink of nuclear armageddon, we’ve elevated the art of war to gladiator style giant robot conflict.

In the case of international conflict, two guys are strapped into 50 story walking death machines and beat the ever living shit out of each other until one of them can’t go on. The entire thing has become a bizarre combination of socio-political conflict resolution and highly rated sporting event.

Robot Jox’s story revolves around an aging gladiator named Achilles (yes, his robot’s heel does get blown off), the genetically engineered gladiators they are replacing him with, and his Russian counter-part, Alexander, who has a habit of killing his opponents.

Joe Haldeman, a legendary scifi writer, was working with the director on the script. Unfortunately the two had stark differences of opinion about the tone of the movie. Haldeman wanted it to be a serious story filled with hard scifi about soldiers in the future. Stuart Gordon, the director, wanted it to be a more cartoonish piece filled with archetypical characters kids could identify with. The tumultuous relationship was summed up by Haldeman year later:

“…as we were saying our goodbyes, Stuart pinpointed what we’d been doing wrong. He said, “Joe, our problem is that you’re writing a movie for adults that children can enjoy, but I’m directing a movie for children that adults can enjoy!”"

Robot Jox was a huge bomb, barely making back 15% of its production budget.

I still love it, though.

Brilliance. Sheer and utter brilliance.

I watched this last night, and it is one of the most surreal and stunning movies I’ve ever seen. The light and atmosphere of the movie are borderline surrealist, and the amazing soundtrack by the band GOBLIN turns even the most boring shots into moments of abject terror.

I’m including the first bit of the movie in the above clips. It’ll take you through the first murder without revealing anything about the story. Watch them while you can, they are blatant copyright violations and probably won’t last long.

It’s like that weird kid from Spellbound got wrapped up in SCA. With really bad daddy-issue overtones.

The song is originally by Lou Reed, but he’s since given it up to them saying this version was better than his original.

Just posting this since I bet some of you had forgotten this existed.

And by “deal with” I mean keep him from ever touching anything ever again.

Between this and “Holy Terror, Batman” the guy shows how severely he’s lost touch with, well, everything.

I think this trailer may have something to do with that…

The Bride

Now, I know what this looks like. A production or promotional photo from the 1935 classic, the Bride of Frankenstein, right? But it’s not. It is actually one of the safe for work stills from a collection of photography done by Aleksy Galushkov, a Russian photographer who has a thing for mixing erotica with classic cinematic icons from the first half of the 20th Century.

This specific collection is the Bride, well, unwrapped. Which is interesting because the re-eroticizing of the bride goes against the director’s original intent of the character to be something that was created entirely for pleasure, but then refuses to have any part in that plan. So, I guess 73 years later, this is the Bride finally giving in? Maybe this is her sexual awakening into feminism?

What ever spin you want to put on it, the images are beautifully done and give my inner classic monster movie fan a tingly feeling.

I can feel you all recoiling from here.

(PS: Unwrapping means her upper lady bits are exposed. Don’t let your boss catch you looking at these.)

Originally posted over at the Frankensteinia blog, and spread wide since then.

The Dark Knight took in another 75.6 million this weekend.

It is now the fastest movie to the 300 million mark in history.

And somewhere on the Warner Bros lot, a huddled group of executives are frantically trying to find a way to clone Heath Ledger from the butt of a cigarette.

You think I’m joking.

Woke up thinking it was Saturday. It is still Friday. Fuckity.

Cat had hacked up…something…on my kitchen floor. I, being the graceful elk I am, promptly step in it. Fuckity.

Found out that DC has already done the Kneel Before Zod idea with Black Adam, the anti-Captain Marvel. Fuckity.

Realized that I can’t yet mangle people’s genitals and cerebellum at the same time with my thoughts. Fuckity.

Learned that they are making a sequel to Tron. Fuckity.

Ran screaming down the street tearing at my eyes when I read that they are calling it “TR2N”. FUCKITY.

Empire apparently shelled out a lot of cash and got the exclusive.

It is here.

My opinion? Dunno. I don’t really have one yet.



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