So they are remaking one of the most important scifi movies in history, The Day the Earth Stood Still.

They are doing it with Keanu Reeves as Neo Klaatu and Will Smith’s kid as that kid. You know, the annoying kid in every scifi movie in the last 50 years who probably has a dog and a baseball cap and does something stupid that gets himself into trouble but is really nothing more than a metaphor for innocence and learning. Yeah, I hate that kid. Jennifer Connelly is in it, directly reprising her role from Ang Lee’s The Hulk, down to the haircut and costuming. John Cleese is in there too, probably giving out some comedic relief ala his role in the new James Bond movies.

Actually, fuck it, I’ll just ruin the whole story for you right now. Keanu Reeves gets capture by some government agency run by a hard-assed Kathy Bates. Jennifer Connelly gets called in as some sort of socio-xeno-bio-soft-doe-eyed-science person. Will Smith’s walking sperm is probably her adopted kid, or some spunky ghetto refuge who found Reeves. John Cleese will act wacky and pop a few one-liners. Then Connelly will help Reeves escape with the kid, they’ll get a lesson in why human kind is bad for the planet that will make Al Gore’s pants tight and then the “updated” Gort will go apeshit and blow stuff up. Except in this case, Gort is that giant amorphous cloud of mercury thing that we see in the trailer. There you go, I’ve just told you all you need to know about the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Oh, joy.

Now go read the original short story, Farewell to the Master, here.

Or watch the original trailer and pick up the original movie for $10 from Amazon.