So. There’s this thing about zombies, and zombie culture, and the reason its so frightening to those of us that understand it…and I think most of you missed the fucking boat on it. I’m going to try to break it down for you, and hopefully, you’ll see why several thousand people on a zombie march is exactly what the idea of the modern zombie was supposed to be against.

Originally, most movie zombies were voodoo oriented. Either re-animated dead, or people who were made into living zombies. This was a slave metaphor. People being bound to a will that was not there own. They weren’t the rotten flesh, braining eating variety we know now. They were homunculi, false men.

It wasn’t until Romero that the modern zombie really emerged. And the symbols he laced into his zombie metaphor were incredible. The source of the zombie plague? A satellite that fell out of the sky. What are the zombies after? Your brains. What people normally don’t know is that the same year that Night of the Living Dead came out, was the same year that we got the first live news coverage from Vietnam. The first satellite news coverage. Romero was worried that with the growth of world-wide mass media we would all be responding to the same stimuli. We’d start to think them same, which would lead us to act the same, which would make us into zombies.

See where I’m going with this? Well, if not, let me pound it into your head. The reasons zombies are scary is because they represent the total uniformity of humanity. Its not about the brain eating or the living dead. Its about the sameness. Its about the endless sea of grey where there should be color. So, when you have thousands of people getting together and doing zombies marches, do you see how this could sort of be exactly what he was warning us about? Hell, the whole mass market penetration of the zombie thing is a bad idea. The uniformity of thought is turning us into the monster that Romero envisioned.

I the spirit of full disclosure, I should point out that I’ve been a zombie in a zombie movie, and I own the Zombie Survival Guide. Neither of which are that great. I think its time that we put this all down and step away. Never before have I wanted the cultural ADD to kick in so bad and move on to something else.

Originally posted 10/31/07