The lack of any substantive content lately is because I’m actually using the fuck out of my brain at work.

We’ve been tapped to develop a web/social media based campaign to raise awareness for STDs in kids between the ages of 16 and 24. Part of this process involves me generating like 50 short tag lines that are supposed to smack the reader in the face, and a short factual statement to back that up. Since I’ve been ignoring my little festering army of malcontents to generate this stuff, I thought I’d give you a sneak peak as to what I’ve been doing.

Condoms break less than teenage hearts
-Use them to protect you from even more regrets.

Doubt can be costly. The answer is free.
-HIV test are free from your local sexual health clinic

Don’t like how condoms feel? Try having it burn when you pee.
-It only takes one time to get infected. Use a condom every time.

Pineapple, Strawberry or STD flavored.

-STDs can be transferred through oral sex. Use a condom.

Beds are made for two.
-Get tested. Make sure you’re not bringing an uninvited guest.

You wouldn’t drink sour milk. Why would you use expired condoms?
-Condoms expire, check the date before you use them

A since only a few are on the page at any one time, we’ve also been iterating on a them in a few cases:

Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Telling him he needs to get tested: Worse.
Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Buying diapers: Worse.
Buying condoms: Embarrassing. Getting them free: Awesome.

-Be safer. Use a condom every time you have sex.

Syphilis in your throat.
Gonorrhea in your mouth.
Herpes on your face.

-It can happen. STDs are transferred through oral sex. Use a condom.

And some of them are variations depending on the targeted sex. Which, conveniently, also works for gay/lesbian sex.

You trust her. Do you trust everyone she’s been with?
You trust him. Do you trust everyone he’s been with?

-Get tested together. It makes everyone safer.

It feels really good to be doing stuff at work that isn’t selling some one a new widget. If we pull this off, we’ll be making the world and people’s lives better. Which is inherently antithetical to me, I know, but as long as they’re paying my bills I don’t feel so bad.

I’ll keep you reprobates apraised when the stuff goes live.