Part of me hates it when a mystery is solved, especially when the answer doesn’t involve a porthole to another universe.

Scientists, being people who are paid to do crazy things and spend on marginally more time on the internet than the people who work on the internet, have sort of decided that the spiraling lights over Norway were, in fact, just an errant rocket launch. And yes, it was the Russians.

The Russians confirmed they did launch a rocket from a submarine in international waters near Norway. They didn’t confirm that the whole thing was a giant disaster, but because they are Russians, they are bound to fuck up anything involving rocketry and a submarine. That’s what sank the Kursk and killed the Planetary Foundation’s COSMOS 1. The Russians are decent with rockets on land, but when it comes to them, rockets and water, hold on to your ass – because something is going to go pear shaped.

The most logical, and simplest explanation for what went wrong is this: Russians launch a rocket, probably going over the pole and crashing out in the Pacific. Something goes wrong with the rocket, it starts ejecting material from its side and the engine. The spiral is so symmetrical because it was about sixty miles up, free of atmospheric disturbances. Pretty, but more ordinary than extraordinary.

Here’s a video with a computer model explaining what we saw: